


The Captain You Seek

by XtaticPearl



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Secrets, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7775842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtaticPearl/pseuds/XtaticPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your mark is an indication of the person you seek," Yinsen told Tony without looking up from the ring of metal he was melting, "Are you telling me that you seek no one, Mr. Stark?"<br/>"I seek the future, not the past," Tony answered cryptically and Yinsen paused for a second before letting the riddle go. Tony traced a finger over his now metal covered chest, the shield's tattoo literally cut out. He knew that Yinsen had seen the shield and he didn't want to tell him that his soulmate was dead. What good will it come to seek a ghost?</p><p>A decade later, Tony realized that there was always more to a mark than the person you perceived it to mean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [syriala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/gifts).



> MY FIRST IRONFALCON!!! Oh God, this ship is definitely going to sail on my seas.

“Your mark is an indication of the person you seek,” Yinsen told Tony without looking up from the ring of metal he was melting, “Are you telling me that you seek no one, Mr. Stark?”

“I seek the future, not the past,” Tony answered cryptically and Yinsen paused for a second before letting the riddle go. Tony traced a finger over his now metal covered chest, the shield’s mark literally cut out. He knew that Yinsen had seen the shield and he didn’t want to tell him that his soulmate was dead. What good will it come to seek a ghost?

Nothing, that was what. 

He never got to prove that to Yinsen though, when the man died for him.

Tony escaped from Afghanistan, and the first thing he called out for was Rhodey, not a cheeseburger. The cheeseburger came to bite back his terror and tiredness. Rhodey though, he needed Rhodey first.

“What the hell is that, Tones?” Rhodey asked as soon as he saw the metal contraption jutting out og Tony’s chest as they flew back home.

“My new mark,” Tony slurred from pain and deliriousness. Rhodey had said nothing and simply held his hand, the chickenshit sap. Tony knew even as he slipped into the darkness that Rhodey got it. Rhodey always got it, whatever Tony babbled in his madness. So he would get this too.

He would get that Tony was finally free and trapped. The longing and temptation was out of his life, and so was the misery of knowing every living second that his supposed mate was long dead. In place of the winged shield, the one where two angel like wings sprang from an extremely familiar tri-circle shield, now Tony had something of his own. A horrible reminder of a good man’s death for his life, but still one that would help him move on and be who he could be, instead of who he might have been if a drowned legend were alive.

He never spoke about the lost mate-mark again, not to Rhodey or Pepper or anyone who had seen it in person and felt it warm above his beating heart. When Obie tore out the reactor, for a second, for just a passing wasted second, Tony wished he could get back the lost mark, even if to just fill the hollow of this betrayal.

He got over it, like he did everything else. Got over Obadiah. Got over becoming a superhero who could keel over any second if a metal disk was taken out of his chest. Got over being poisoned by his own reactor poisoning him. Got over being rejected as a person and accepted as a facade.

He got over it all and moved forward.

Till he met Captain America. Alive and warm in flesh. It was crazy how he imagined that his reactor was whirring faster, because his reactor was not a poor heart that lost control when faced with a presumed dead mate. He would **not** be effected by the man with that damn shield on his back and tiny wings on his cowl. He would not.

He did get effected. He got effected so much that he plunged himself head-first into a battle with aliens. And flew a nuke into a portal to space. He wished he could get another chance, as his eyes closed in the face of an exploding alien ship in darkness.

He opened his eyes to his wish coming true. Steve was there, alive, worried, and proud, looking down at him with a hand over his reactor. A hand over the part where his mark would have been.

He tries out a theory when he offers a hand to shake after the alien mess is cleared. They shake hands, Steve smiles at him and says that it was good working with him.

He doesn’t say that he has Tony’s mark on him. Tony couldn’t really talk about _his_  mark then, could he? 

They never became completely friends and the weirdness of knowing that Steve was his mate but clearly uninterested in him was always at the back of Tony’s head - testing him, annoying him and making him feel strangely unwanted. He still calls him Winghead though, hoping that it would get some message across. 

He doesn’t talk about it though. Even if Natasha, who knows what his mark looked like, gave him unnerving looks whenever he was in the same room as Steve.

Tony didn’t rise to anyone’s bait and instead attempted to build a relationship with beautiful, brilliant Pepper who had a red boxing glove on the inside of her right thigh. She didn’t talk about it either, so they were perfectly matched.

Until they weren’t and he almost got her killed because of wrongs from his past. There was no loud break-up or fight. He helped her flush Extremis off her body and she helped him decide to let go of the reactor as a crutch. 

He gave her the shrapnel encased in a pendant, as a literal piece of his heart for all that she had done to keep it safe all through the years.

Rhodey began making not-so-subtle hints about trying again with Steve, talking to him about the mark. Tony tried to keep Rhodey out till he could and then promised one shot, just one. He even got the same mark tattooed onto his skin, just for fun, in the same place that it had been before. 

News of Steve bringing down SHIELD came in before he could work on that promise. In a bright hospital room, with Steve battered and bruised yet alive on a bed, Tony finally saw why it would never work out between them.

He saw the red star near Steve’s hip, burning bright on pale skin. 

“It’s a star,” Steve said quietly and Tony looked up to see the man regard him with knowing eyes that were a tad gentle.

“I’m  a star,” Tony said with a weak wink, knowing how stupidly defeated he sounded despite his bravado. Steve’s eyes turned a bit softer.

“A red, Communist star,” he said pointedly and Tony stared at the mark below the bandage, holding on to his jumble of thoughts, trying to push back the disappointment and anger because how the hell was it Steve’s fault if Tony wasn’t his intended mate? It was not like Tony’s luck had ever been good, so this really shouldn’t come as a surprise, should it?

“Goddamn Rogers,” he said with a fake smirk, “Captain America and a Commie? You really do like to shake things up, don’t you?”

Steve might not have been a close friend, but he was never slow in understanding. He could see the mask Tony was wearing to hold in his disappointment. Thankfully, he didn’t call it out.

“Don’t let Natasha hear that,” he said instead and Tony’s eyes widened in mischief.

“Is _she_ the -”

“No!” Steve said loudly before clearing his throat and looking sheepish, “No, she erm…it’s not her.”

“How the hell would you know?”

“It’s not her, Tony”

“You can’t know if you don’t -”

“I kissed her, alright?” Steve cut him short and Tony felt his mouth shut with a stunned snap, “I…kissed her for a mission and even called her by her other name…nothing happened.”

Tony knew what he meant by ‘nothing’. The supposed burning sensation in your heart, the overwhelming feeling of warmth and lightness, and a glow in your mark. Typical information taught even to children. He eyed Steve thoughtfully before breathing out.

“Well, damn Cap,” he teased, “Dropping SHIELD, having a Communist mate and surviving Widow’s kiss. Living on the edge, mister.”

“Something like that,” Steve said deadpanned and Tony chuckled.

“Hey Cap, I was just wondering if - oh”

Tony turned around in his chair and saw a man with two coffee cups standing in the doorway, looking from Steve to Tony. Tony had not seen this man before, not up close, but from what he had heard in the reports of the DC disaster, this must be -

“Sam, hey come on in,” Steve smiled and gestured to Tony with his eyes, “Tony, this is Sam Wilson. A really good friend of mine and someone who had my back when I needed the most. Sam, this is -”

“Tony Stark,” Tony said himself, nodding at Sam before rolling his eyes at Steve, “Geez Cap, you introduce like a boring old Headmaster.” Turning back to Sam, Tony stood up and held out a hand smoothly, pulling on ages of being charmingly arrogant, “Yes, you can keep the Falcon Exo. No, I do not charge $4000 for upgrade and yes, I _will_  be taking payment for the stolen wings in form of any and every dirty secret you can dish on this old man here.”

Sam wore an unreadable expression on his face for a minute before he smirked back and gestured to his hands holding coffee.

“Yes, I was gonna keep the Falcon anyway, do you _know_  how cool I make it look? No, of course I’m not paying you for upgrades. You’re rich and upgrades are like candy to you, so it’s actually _you_  who gets to play around. And sure, I’ll let you in on any secret of Cap.”

“Really?” Tony widened his eyes slightly but Sam nodded solemnly.

“Sure, the day Colonel Rhodes let’s out all of your secrets to me,” Sam shrugged with a sly smirk and Tony couldn’t really help the laugh that escaped his mouth.

“I don’t think that would be wise for anyone,” Tony told him with a mirthful grin.

“So maybe we should avoid that,” Sam nodded with a grin of his own.

They spoke for a couple of minutes, Tony feeling surprised and delighted that Steve was getting teased and trolled by Sam. When his phone rang and Rhodey called him for something important, Tony bade both the man goodbye and left feeling only slightly effected by the events of the day.

So what if Steve had another mate, he thought wryly, it wasn’t like Tony could ever have Captain America as his soulmate for real.

He let it go slowly, over the months where Steve shuttled between DC and Manhattan and the team came around together to try and track down Loki’s lost sceptre. Steve told him that Sam was helping him search for Bucky Barnes, who was apparently Winter Soldier.

Tony told him that Sam was always welcome to crash at the Tower if he ever came by. Steve said that Sam didn’t really like leaving DC for too long. Tony brushed that off as a weird obsession thing.

It was all okay and peaceful for a moment.

And then the moment crashed and burned, quite literally, bringing down an entire population of Sokovia with it. Months and years of Tony’s doubts and fears after New York played up to create something even more monstrous and his own creation decided to destroy the world.

The Avengers saved the day and Tony decided to lose the Avengers. He couldn’t take it, the knowledge that he had almost destroyed the world he had been striving to save all the while. The guilt, pain, despair and disappointment was too high on his shoulders and he dropped himself off the team as soon as he could.

Steve told him that he would miss him.

Tony didn’t say it back. He couldn’t. 

Natasha was the only Avenger who dropped by sometimes after that. She would have stories to tell and gossip to share about the new Avengers, being kind enough to not hold back in fear of hurting Tony. She didn’t show him pity. She showed him friendship in all her snarky glory. Tony thought some times that she would focus on Sam a lot more than the others in her stories but when he asked her about it, she simply deflected the attention and said that he was an interesting guy.

“He could give you a run for your money in sarcasm and sass,” she said with a smirk.

“Maybe we should try it out someday. I’ll take you on that bet maybe,” Tony replied with an equally cocky smirk.

The thing was that Natasha wasn’t the only one who had a lot to say about Sam. Rhodey did too, whenever they met. And anyone who could impress Rhodey and keep up with his brand of teasing definitely was awesome. So Tony _knew_  that Sam was a cool guy.

Except, the cool guy couldn’t be bothered to come visit or even stay in the Compound whenever Tony visited. It was conspicuous in Tony’s mind but Steve always shrugged it off saying that Sam would never do that.

Tony didn’t delve into it. He never really had a reason to. It’s not like he cared.

Till he did. The Accords were a mess from the beginning but Tony had never expected it to get so out of hand. Everything was falling apart faster than he could put it back together. Steve refused to listen, Wanda refused to stay put, Ross refused to ease up. Everybody refused him and it was pissing Tony off but he had to try, so kept doing that.

Even after watching his best friend fall out of the sky, he kept trying. He had to. He knew he had to.

So he swallowed his ego and his pride in the Raft and met the one person who could help him. The person whom they had been chasing when Rhodey got hit. The one person whom Tony was counting on to help him out.

Sam refused at first pointedly, taking Tony’s words as a threat. But when Tony showed him the shut down audio of the AV, he paused and listened.

When Tony apologized to him and asked him to trust him despite Sam not knowing him all that well, the man cut him short saying that was not necessary. Like he knew about Tony enough. 

The look he gave Tony before he spilled the secret was something Tony felt effected him more than necessary. It was like being handed over something precious. Like he had to safeguard this trust above everything. Like something primal in him was demanding that he agree to whatever Sam asked in this vulnerable state.

“You have to go as a friend,” Sam demanded, pleaded, quietly.

“Easy” Tony promised without a second thought and for a minute, for just a minute, he thought Sam’s eyes softened and held -

He cut short that thought and rushed out, shaking his head at the nonsense he was imagining.

He broke his promise to Sam when he found out about his parents in the cold of Siberia. He was hurt, betrayed and pained beyond his limit and lost control completely. Steve tried to rein him in but Tony wanted answers. Wanted justice. Wanted anything that would make the pain stop.

And then the metal  of Bucky Barnes came off when he tried to pull the suit’s core out. It was then that Tony noticed a red star on it.

A red Communist star.

“I wouldn’t do this if I had a choice, Tony,” Steve panted as he stood back up, shielding a fallen Bucky with his body, “But he’s my friend.”

Tony wanted to howl with rage. With pain. With something that felt ripped out from his heart. _Friend_. Even now, even as the truth lay bare in front of him, Steve was using the word friend. Like that would make anything better. Like that would make Tony feel any better about knowing that the man who killed his parents was the soulmate of the man who was supposed to be Tony’s soulmate. He wanted to rip everything apart.

“So was I,” he said quietly and let all of his hurt, all of his pain seep into his armor, let himself have that moment of vicious wreckage. 

He held on to that anger as he pummeled into Steve. Held on to it as he got thrown around by Steve. Held on to it as Steve threw him to the ground and straddled him to rain blows onto his faceplate.

Held on to it as his faceplate came off and he glared back into blue eyes, bringing up his hands in time when the shield came down -

And smashed his reactor. 

For a second, for just one second, Tony let himself imagine that maybe Steve had something in his heart for him. That maybe his mark hadn’t been all that wrong.

But then Steve got up and went to pull Bucky, his soulmate, off the ground and Tony broke altogether. He knew it was childish even as he said it, but he had never claimed to be a great man. He demanded that Steve drop the shield and used his dead father’s name to get it done.

Steve complied and the shield, the image of Tony’s lost mark, fell to the ground like it didn’t matter.

Tony lay on the cold Siberian floor for a minute with that dropped shield and decided that he would never think about soulmates again.

* * *

Forgiving Bucky Barnes for his parents’ death wasn’t easy but it was inevitable. Tony couldn’t escape reality, not when it stared back at him in the form of the files he had finally decrypted from Natasha’s leaked horde. 

There was no word enough to describe what Bucky Barnes had gone though, had survived for seven decades. There was no sentence enough to describe the pain the man had been put through, again and again, with no control over anything. Tony knew all about making and unmaking - what had happened to Barnes was unmaking at its worst.

He was still angry but he couldn’t target it at Bucky anymore. Not after what he had learnt and understood, slowly and grudgingly. Sending BARF was the first step in acknowledging that.

Forgiving Steve for his secret was more complicated. Tony could hold a grudge better than most but in the face of all that Bucky Barnes had lost, and inevitably all that Steve had stood to lose in the event of losing Bucky again, he couldn’t find it in himself to hate Steve for long.

They weren’t back to friends, but he didn’t want to kill the man as well. Natasha, who had decided to bring everyone down a peg, shot him a proud smile when he said that he would work on getting the Accords amended.

Steve was not re-instated as Captain America though. The guy didn’t protest much, and instead looked relieved in a way.

It came as a surprise though, when the person chosen to carry the shield next was announced. Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam and Nat were present in the room when Steve expressed his suggestion.

“No,” Sam said immediately, “Are you crazy? No way. That’s - that’s not mine, Steve. I can’t -”

“There’s nobody else who can do it better than you, Sam,” Steve said quietly and Tony caught Sam swallowing hard, “I trust you. With the shield and with everything else.”

“Do you think it’ll work?” Bucky asked Tony and he simply shrugged, eyeing Sam curiously.

“It just might”

It did. The UN found Sam perfect and Steve looked like a proud dad. Sam looked like he was caught in a minefield. Tony was partly amused and partly happy.

Till he was called upon to give Sam the shield, seeing how he had been the one to safeguard it. 

The handshake had been purely formal, for the sake of the cameras and also because it seemed like a good idea in the moment.

“Captain” Tony said lowly, a small smirk on his face as Sam rolled his eyes.

“Iron Man,” Sam mocked him back and then stiffened, like he had said something bad, his hand going lax in Tony’s grip. Tony was about to ask him if he was okay when -

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Even though his mark was gone and all that was left was a silly tattoo, Tony could still feel the fire dancing in his nerves and realized that this was the first time he had touched Sam. Or Sam’s skin, to be specific. Every time when there had been attempts at a handshake in the past, Sam had been occupied with something or the other, or holding something.

Not today though. Not when he had the shield in one hand and Tony’s hand grasped in the other. Not when he was wearing Captain America’s costume. Not when he was Captain America now.

And then another realization struck.

“You knew” he breathed out tightly and no, he didn’t need to hear an answer because Sam’s eyes said it all. Of course he knew. The shield might have been transferable but there was only one Iron Man. There would always be only one Iron Man. 

Everything made sense now. Sam avoiding him as much as possible. The way he never interacted much with Tony. The way he always laughed up the talks of soulmates whenever Rhodey ever brought it up. The way he had looked when he had seen Tony witness Steve and Bucky interacting.

Oh God, even his mark made sense now. The wings, they weren’t the wings on Steve’s cowl. They were Sam’s wings. Falcon. He was meant to seek the Captain who had flown.

Tony didn’t feel relieved or happy though. He felt cheated. Annoyed. Used. Sam had known, all this while he had known, and Tony had been making a fool out of himself.

The emotions warred within him fiercely and he pulled on every bit of calm in him to avoid making a scene. Extracting his hand back, he nodded coolly at Sam, Captain America, his soulmate, before walking off the podium and away from the truth that hurt.

He didn’t bother to heed Steve’s worried calls or Rhodey’s yells. 

He also didn’t catch a pair of dark eyes watching him leave quietly, hands gripping a shield tightly.

Tony left Sam behind and this time, he didn’t care if he was trapped or free.


	2. Chapter 2

 

"Why is it broken?” Sarah asked as she squinted at the mark on her brother’s back, the inner blue circle within the outer silver looking cracked like it was torn apart.

“Dunno. Maybe it’s something like glass?” Sam shrugged and moved to pull on his shirt but Sarah swatted him on his shoulder and continued to analyze his strange mark.

“It looks like a glowing flower,” she commented with a confused hum, looking up to frown at Sam, “Maybe it’s a florist?”

Sam considered that before shrugging and pushing his sister off playfully, slipping on his shirt again. He didn’t care if his mate was a florist or a teacher or anything of that sort. It wasn’t a big deal to the 12 year old as long as his mate was alive, happy and willing to share their life with him. Sarah was always teasing him, saying that he’d end up having a mate who would be a pain in the butt.

Sam liked that somehow. He had always liked a challenge, even when he was younger.

That love for challenges and adventure was what drew him to the Air Force. The day he wore his uniform in the USAF pararescue team for the first time, Sam spent a minute imagining what his mate would think about this. Would they be proud? Would they be anxious? 

* * *

 

He decided to go with the former. Whoever his mate was, he was sure they would be proud of him for being who he was. He would make them proud.

“We’re gonna save a lot of people, you know,” he murmured with a small smile as he stared at the mirror before leaving for his first mission, “We’re gonna help a lot of people.”

He touched the spot on his back, right below his left shoulder, where the blue circle of light and cracked lines sat warm and assuring. And left to begin his job.

The job quickly became a way of life and the rose-tinted ideals of being ‘cool’ and ‘here to save the day’ morphed into being ‘badass’ and ‘here to keep the day together’. Sam grew through failure and success, learning the hard way that both were not mutually exclusive always. He made friends and bonded well with his team.

But none as much as Riley O’Keeffe. Riley, in simple words, was another adrenaline junkie and a complete goofball. He had no sense of preservation for most parts and more often than not, jumped first and thought later. He was a year younger to Sam and it was evident from the beginning that he was going to act every bit the younger sibling Sam had experience with from Sarah.

They both got into the Falcon Exo program, furnished by StarkTech and Sam had never felt more exhilarated as he did when he first flew with wings on his back. Riley declared that he was finally going to make his dream of making out with his girlfriend mid-air come true.

Riley pushed and prodded at everything, gleefully breaking rules if it meant harmless fun and shamelessly using Sam for protection or alibi. He was also unapologetically smug about already having found his mate in his team-mate.

“She’s got the best pair of boo-”

“Keefer” Sam cleared his throat looking pointedly at Gwen’s fork that was going to lash out and claw at the slightest hint of further stupidity.

“What? I was gonna say boots, Willy, honestly,” Riley shook his head but his eyes held that cheeky look making Sam roll his eyes, “Isn’t it Gwenny? Haven’t I told you how much I love your boots?”

“I am sure my boots would love to return the sentiment. To your face,” Gwen replied with narrowed eyes and Sam snorted as Riley looked wary if his mate and colleague was actually serious or kidding.

“Oh come on, honey,” Riley was safely out of reach when he called out the endearment though Sam was sure Gwen could still manage to hurt him bad, “When you’ve got the best, you gotta gloat a bit, don’t we Wilson?”

“I dunno,” Sam popped a slice of apple into his mouth and pretended to think, “Since that would technically mean that Gwen should be mourning. You know, seeing that she got you.”

Riley huffed in mock annoyance as the others around them laughed.

“Don’t go mocking me, Sam-o. One day, you’re gonna wish you respected me more,” Riley said airily.

“Sure, Keefer, sure,” Sam patted his back patronizingly and ducked when Riley threw a water bottle at him. Everyone around the table had laughed and teased Riley for his poor aim.

Little had Sam known that the light hearted statement would actually come true.

The day the fatal mission went down, Riley had shown Sam the ring he had got for Gwen and had informed Sam that he was to be the best man.

Sam never got to be that and instead helplessly watched as his best friend fell out of the sky to his untimely death. Riley was declared dead even before the medics could attempt to save him. Gwen wouldn’t look at Sam even though she told him in a tight voice and slipped tone that it wasn’t his fault. That he couldn’t have done anything.

They both knew that she was lying.

The nightmares began a week after Riley’s funeral. The Falcon program was scrapped and they were pushed back to being regular pararescuers but for Sam, his career had ended with a fall he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t focus, not with the deep burning anger at his seniors for making the stupid decision of the RPGs. Not with the blank look Gwen wore around him. Not with the knowledge that he had overheard, about Gwen’s mate-mark having faded out into her skin.

The nightmares became a regular and the confidence in his job became rare. 

It wasn’t long before Sam was on his way back home, this time as ex-USAF. He couldn’t go back to live at his old home since Sarah was now living there with her kids after her husband had died in a hit-and-run. He took another house, in DC. Sam tried to find jobs where he could recuperate in peace.

The month at a desk job was the worst month of his life. 

The struggle, the need to help people again, to try and be someone who made a difference pushed him into volunteering at the VA. He had always been a fast learner and a naturally inclined listener. He grew, developed and adapted, finding peace in getting other veterans to move forward in their lives. 

He tried to find his soulmate in between work because the loneliness was seeping in. He tried to find something that looked like his mark on the internet. Any reference. Any hint.

He found nothing.

He learnt to accept the loneliness and pushed it under hope for others and life. He threw himself into his work and kept reminding himself that all he wanted was his soulmate to be alive and happy, wherever they were.

And then one day he felt his back burn like someone had stabbed it deep. In the smallest part of his brain, which wasn’t boiling with pain, he was thankful that he was at home and not the VA. He clutched at the bed post and fell to his knees, and for a fleeting second felt horror. Was it his mate? Was it because -

When he finally came to from his blackout, he took a minute before rushing to the mirror and ripping his shirt off.

The mark was gone. There was no trace of it. In its place was simply a ragged scratch, like a knife stab’s aftermath.

Sam felt ice run through his veins and he would never tell anyone this later, never tell anyone how he had finally broken down.

How he had finally lost control and let the pain engulf him.

It was gone. His hope for the loneliness to go was gone. His hope to find that person with a glowing circle of blue was gone.

His mate was gone.

He stayed cooped up at home for two days, till his colleague from the VA office came by to check on him. He thought he would never be able to do it again. He couldn’t hold on to hope anymore.

He finally understood what Gwen must have felt like and it hurt in some part he thought he had long suppressed.

It was Sarah in the end who pushed him to move on.

“If you give up, you’re insulting them. If you don’t get your ass back up, you’re being a coward. The world is still alive and you’re still worth something to contribute”

So Sam got up and moved on. He learnt to find purpose and work. He learnt to push past everything because nothing worse could happen.

Three months later, he saw the news that had a frenzy of Tony Stark coming back alive from his kidnapping. Sam watched during his lunch break as Stark announced that he was shutting down his weapons business.

He remembered the Falcon program and wondered if Stark knew what he was doing.

But then he heard, actually heard what the man was saying. About his weapons being used against the Americans. Against the soldiers. 

He felt himself smirk without thought as he saw Stark be blunt and honest, not giving a damn about anything when he decided to do the right thing.

He laughed when Kimberly, the canteen worker, said that the man had lost his marbles. He told her that maybe he had finally found them.

The next time Sam saw Stark was on another type of press coverage altogether. He raised an eyebrow at the questions the reporter was throwing the man’s way. It sounded like she was bitter about something more than just the flimsy excuse of a bodyguard.

But then Stark was as sharp a tongue as his brain and Sam snorted as he gave back good. Of course, that didn’t prepare him for the moment the words fell out of Stark’s mouth.

 _I am Ironman_.

“Well, damn,” Sam muttered in half-amusement and half-awe at the recklessness and guts of the billionaire. On an off-tangent Sam found himself thinking that Tony Stark’s mate would always have their hands full with the man. Even as he thought it, he brushed it off. He had always heard of rumors that Stark’s soulmate was not available.

Sam didn’t want to think on those lines again.

The day Sam heard news of aliens in New York, he had an off-day from work and was trying to catch a day’s sleep thanks to a bad case of flu. It was to frantic calls from Sarah and Joyce, his closest friend at the VA, that Sam finally got up and switched on the television.

And promptly lost any sense of reality.

He watched in horror and awe as a group of six crazy or really brave people battled ugly aliens on the streets and in the air. He had become used to seeing Iron Man in action thanks to the numerous videos and shows going viral all the time but the others were new.

It was all too fast and too messy and Sam found himself making strategies, his old training kicking in and imagining all the ways they could use their power. 

It all came to a horrendous climax when Sam watched as the Iron Man suit carried a nuke into a hole in the sky. Sam knew his math. He knew how less likely it would be for Stark to survive.

But the guy did survive and Sam found himself laughing at the sheer good luck of the man.

After the New York debacle, the internet and TV was always swarming with news and shows related to the Avengers. Sam was mildly fascinated by the idea of Captain America coming back to life. He wondered what it would be like to work with a legend and promptly corrected that thought.

Even legends were human.

It was not until six months after, that life changed drastically for Sam. The news about Mandarin was everywhere but it was Tony Stark’s challenge that the media highlighted everywhere.

Sam watched in morbid shock as the challenge cam to bite Stark back on his ass. He watched as Stark’s girlfriend was left standing in the destroyed Malibu mansion and Stark drowned.

The media, like the self-styled morticians they were, began speculating Stark’s death immediately. There were even tributes made about the guy’s life and Sam scoffed at them. 

 _Idiots_ , he thought, _the man came back from a space portal and they think he died from drowning?_

But the tributes were relentless and ‘rare pictures’ began springing up from people who wanted to make a quick buck.

It was from one of those pictures that Sam came across the [picture ](https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4fd5767fc2b4014250b924c5d977c9f8-c?convert_to_webp=true)that shook his life.

It was apparently a leak from some government files that had been taken from Stark’s capture days in Afghanistan but somebody had digitized it to a HD quality.

Sam wasn’t interested in all that. He was more interested in the arc reactor in Stark’s chest. The glowing blue circles with eight spokes connecting the inner and outer circle.

His mark. His absent mark.

Sam felt the world slip away from under his feet. Stark had an arc reactor that looked like his mark. He had never seen this one, this version of the reactor. The world had only seen a triangle in the center of a circle but never another circle. Never this.

His mate was alive. His mate was _alive_.

His soulmate was _Tony Stark_.

Sam had never stuck so much to the news as he did since then. He waited for any tidbit, anything that would show Stark to be alive. _Tony_ , his mind suggested, trying to sound the name in his thoughts. 

Tony came back again. He destroyed Mandarin and came back alive, saving Pepper Potts and the President of the United States.

Sam felt his heart soar.

And then crash when the reality struck in. Pepper Potts. Virginia Potts. The CEO of Stark Industries. The girlfriend of Tony Stark.

Sam felt any hope crash when the first photos of Tony after Mandarin showed him kissing Pepper Potts tenderly. It was heart-clenching intimate. It was something that screamed love. 

It was something that screamed happiness.

“ _I just want them to be alive and happy and willing to share their life with me”_ Sam remembered saying that to Sarah once, a decade or more back. 

Tony Stark was alive. Tony Stark was happy. Tony Stark was already sharing his life with someone else.

Sam believed in soulmates but he also believed in choice of destiny. People could fall in love with whomever they chose. A mark need not stop them.

He never went to Manhattan to meet Tony and ignored pictures of Pepper Potts wearing a blue pendant that was said to be made from the reactor’s pieces and a shrapnel.

Tony had chosen to give his literal heart to Pepper Potts. 

Sam stuck to DC and went back to work, satisfied in the knowledge that his mate was alive and well. He caught word of Captain America coming down to DC and settling there. He felt glad that the man was settling down.

And then another lightening bolt struck one day.

“What?” Sam asked with a frown.

“Yeah, apparently they broke up,” Kimberly shrugged as she served Sam lunch, “Potts couldn’t match up to Stark’s soulmate supposedly.”

“What?” Sam repeated even though this time his heart sped up. His mark hadn’t reappeared but maybe, just maybe -

“Yeah, don’t you watch the news?” Kimberly frowned, “Apparently Stark’s soulmate is Captain America.”

Sam stilled for a minute before he burst out laughing.

“That’s a tattoo, Kim,” he chuckled feeling both relieved and wary. “Anybody can get a tattoo.”

“Nobody gets a tattoo of their friend if nothing’s the matter,” Kimberly said with a sniff but Sam simply rolled his eyes, even as he thought about the implications of Pepper and Tony’s break up.

Of course, that had to be the time when he had to meet Captain America himself one day, during a morning jog. The guy was dryly hilarious in a dad-joke sort of way and Sam could see a lot of Riley shining through him. 

Maybe it was that, maybe it was the sharp resemblance of jumping out of planes, sly grins and Irish skin. Maybe that was the reason Sam felt protective of the lost man immediately.

And then went on to realize that Steve was so much more than just Captain America. He could easily see why Tony had gotten the shield tattoo now.

In the middle of the SHIELD mess that Sam had gotten involved into himself to help Steve and his friend Natasha, Sam even asked him about it lightly.

“Dude, how many more people in your team got your tattoo?” he teased but Steve stilled at that.

“Just ones who lost it before,” Steve said cryptically and excused himself. It was later, much later, that Sam found out from Natasha what Steve meant.

And it shattered his heart all over again.

Tony had never had his mark. Tony had always had Steve’s mark. The tattoo was not a joke. It was the memory of a lost mark.

Sam didn’t have too much time to think on that though because he had DC to save. Wearing the Falcon pack was like coming home and Sam relished it in a bittersweet way.

They saved the day and Steve met his oldest buddy, who had not-really-died. Sam was pretty much unfazed by that. He was familiar with the concept of finding people you thought dead to be alive.

Steve was hurt badly and Sam used the time in the hospital by his bedside to think about the recent storm in his life. He was confused beyond thought.

Tony had Steve’s mark. Sam used to have Tony’s mark and then it disappeared. Steve didn’t have Tony’s mark but instead had a red star on his hip that was visible now in his bruised state.

Nothing made sense.

Fortunately, Steve woke up and Sam assured him that everything was fine, even teasing him a bit about falling off planes all the time.

A day later, he had gone to get himself and Steve some coffee and re-entered the room when he heard a new voice.

“Hey Cap, I was just wondering if -oh,” Sam stilled in the doorway and saw a visitor sitting by Steve.

Tony. Tony was here. Tony had come to meet Steve.

Sam stood mute and a bit stunned but then Steve was introducing him to Tony who was smirking at him and teasing Steve in a fond voice. Sam didn’t open his mouth as Tony introduced himself cockily with a playful smirk and demanded dirty secrets about Steve.

He didn’t know what to say. There was literally nothing on his mind and he had yet to sort out the whole mark confusion. So he decided to play it safe and used the coffee cups as excuse to not touch Tony. He snarked back and teased Tony, saying that he would share as long as Colonel Rhodes would share stories.

Sam felt himself grin when Tony grinned and it hurt, it hurt to think that he didn’t know what to do.

So he simply watched Tony go with some parting teasing jokes and sat back down next to Steve.

He learnt over time that Steve had someone else’s mark but Tony had held Steve’s shield as his mark. He learnt about Bucky Barnes and listened to Steve haltingly, painfully talk about how Hydra had turned a good man into a machine. He let his own problems be pushed back as he became Steve’s friend, helping him get back on feet.

Helping him search for Bucky Barnes.

He watched Natasha talk about how Tony had come to terms with Steve. He watched as Steve gushed about Tony’s genius. He listened as they shared stories about the team and Natasha always shot Steve an unreadable look whenever she spoke about him and Tony. 

He heard the comments Natasha made about Steve and Tony being meant for each other in some ways and saw Steve brush them off with a roll of his eyes.

He heard it all and somehow it made him tired. It made him tired of holding out hope because it was clear that Tony had already chosen Steve in some sorts, and even if Steve didn’t reciprocate it, Sam really didn’t have any hold or say here.

He didn’t even have his mark anymore. How was he going to approach Tony, the man who believed in proof over anything else? And what would he say? You’re my soulmate even if I am not yours? 

Sam chose to keep quiet about it and let things take shape the way they would. 

He became engrossed in searching for Barnes instead, in an attempt to take a break from all his personal drama. He got so involved that he was not there when Tony made the headlines again.

But this time for the worst kind of news.

Sam was away when the Avengers fought a robot threatening to decimate humanity. He watched on a TV screen in Jakarta as Sokovia fell, an entire population being broken by robots.

By the time he came back to the US, the embers had died down and Tony Stark had retired from the Avengers.

Sam didn’t like that one bit but when Rhodes came in his place, he realized that Tony needed to do this to get into a peaceful space. Steve asked Sam to join too and he did, taking the Falcon’s name and standing amidst a new crowd of Avengers.

He didn’t go to meet Tony, thinking that any soulmate business would only add to the stress. He stayed and trained, made friends with Rhodes and bantered with Natasha. He was initially wary of Wanda but then saw her real need to do something good. 

Things settled for a while and Sam stuck to being happy that Tony was back and kicking, even though as Tony Stark and not Iron Man. Rhodey and Natasha would talk about him whenever they met him and came back. Sam was okay with that and avoided doing so himself.

Maybe he was being a coward but Sam was not sure about anything anymore. So he kept to his work and stayed busy.

Of course, things only got busier and worse, coming to a blast at Lagos. The aftermath of that mission was heard in the UN who made a move for the Sokovia Accords.

Sam had long ago decided not to take orders from anyone who could not be countered. He had seen too many bad decisions, too many mistakes and too many brush offs to place that level of implicit trust in a document that was essentially turning them all into weapons for the usage of the government. 

He immediately refused. Steve refused too.

Tony supported it.

Sam was flabbergasted that Tony would ever agree to something this controlling and manipulative. Did he not know what would happen at the slightest mistake? Did he not know that they would be all lojacked like criminals with this kind of power?

Sam tried to argue and disagree but then other things cropped up. Like Peggy Carter’s funeral. Sam went with Steve to support him and also to get away for a while. The Vienna blast’s news shook him up too but he didn’t jump to any conclusion, knowing by now that if Barnes had wanted to cause trouble, he wouldn’t have been trying to hide and live away.

He went with Steve because he couldn’t leave a friend behind. They managed to save Barnes from getting killed or shot at but got taken in by the CIA themselves.

They met Tony and Natasha when they came back to the HQ. Sam remarked that it was cold that they had taken away his wing pack and Steve’s shield. Tony quipped that it would be warmer than prison.

Sam had some hope to sort things out.

Of course that was when it all went to hell. Barnes went catatonic, Steve saved him and Barnes revealed about the other Winter Soldiers. Steve asked him if they should tell Tony and Sam said the one thing he could think of : the Accords wouldn’t allow him to come.

Sam felt really tired of Barnes and rolled his eyes but agreed to help Steve nonetheless.

The help turned into a battle with the others. Sam watched his own team-mates standing on the other side of the airport. Watched _Tony_  stand there against him and wished there was something else they could do. Anything else.

“What do we do now?” he asked Steve quietly.

“We fight” Steve replied without second thought and they did.

They fought and tried to escape. Tried to get to the Quinjet. Sam realized first that not everybody would make it unscathed. 

He told Steve to make a break for it with Barnes and rushed to cover for them.

He hadn’t imagined that it would lead to a disaster.

When Rhodey fell, Sam felt like Riley was falling all over again. He caught sight of Tony rushing in too and dived hard to try and stop Rhodes. He had to stop this. He had to save Rhodes. Jesus, Tony wouldn’t be able to take it if -

Rhodey fell anyway. Sam felt his heart stop as he saw Tony check the unconscious man’s vitals. He wanted to say something. Anything. Anything that could help Tony realize that they could save Rhodes. Anything to tell him how sorry he was.

Tony shot a repulsor burst at him.

The Raft wasn’t really surprising but Sam didn’t say a word when Clint and Scott commented about it. He knew that they had messed up something bigger than this.

He saw Tony come in and felt annoyance when Clint taunted him ruthlessly. But then Tony came to him.

Tony stood in front of his cell and Sam turned around to ask the first question on his mind, about Rhodes. He could see the nervousness and tension on Tony’s face when he spoke about Columbia but he decided to think positive.

And then Tony asked about Steve and Sam felt annoyed that he wasn’t understanding even now. But Tony surprised him when he turned off the audio of the AV.

He apologized. Sam felt his heart stutter to a stop when Tony apologized, no excuses and no compunctions about it. He realized how wrong Clint was about Tony when he saw the man still fight to help Steve. Still care about his team.

He cut Tony short when he went on a self-depreciating spiel about not needing to trust him. He couldn’t take that, not now when Tony was risking his everything. Of course he trusted Tony.

But he did make a negotiation of the information. He had to make sure that nothing worse could happen. That everybody would come out safe. He knew that anyone would be hanging by a thin thread with all that Tony had gone through in the short time and he had to make sure that things wouldn’t worse,

So he made him promise one thing.

“You have to go as a friend and you have to go alone,” he said, knowing that Steve would trust Tony too. That this way they would have a chance at being there for each other and not worry about someone else messing it up.

He didn’t know that he was sending Tony to something worse.

When Steve came to rescue them, he felt relieved and on the way back, asked him if he and Tony had made up.

The silence he got in return made him dread the aftermath. When he finally learnt about what had happened, he felt sick.

He had walked out of the room in Wakanda after Steve had finished. It was Natasha who found him in the balcony.

“You’re upset,” she said mildly and Sam laughed on a strangled choke.

“Subtle as always, Tasha”

“Is it because of Steve or Tony?” she asked as she came to stand beside him.

“Does it make a difference?” he asked bitterly and she stared at him silently.

“You don’t blame Barnes for Tony’s parents’ death?” she asked after a while and Sam closed his eyes at that because that was not the point at all for him.

“I’ve seen and heard things about him that are worse,” he replied, “I’ve also read and understood that worse things were done to him. The person who killed the Starks was the Hydra’s Winter Soldier, not Bucky Barnes.”

“Does it make a difference?” she asked and he breathed out.

“Yes” he said simply.

“But you’re still upset”

“I sent him there,” Sam said quietly after a moment’s silence, “I told Tony to go to Siberia. I told him to go alone. I told him to go as a friend.”

“Sam, you can’t hold yourself responsible for everything that happens”

“I know. But he still did it,” Sam said as he looked out to the expanse of the kingdom from the balcony, “He took me at my word and did it. He trusted me, Natasha. He trusted us all.”

“He’s still our friend, Sam”

“Yeah, but are we his friends now?” Sam asked quietly and left when Natasha remained silent, her gaze sharp on him. 

Sam didn’t talk to Steve for a few days and finally when Steve cornered him, demanding yet pleading him to say anything, he thought of only one thing to say.

“He’s my soulmate” Sam said blankly and Steve frowned.

“Who?”

“Tony Stark,” Sam replied and looked up at Steve defiantly, “I had his mark.”

Following a stunned moment of silence and a couple of angry words, Steve asked him to talk to him.

And Sam did.

He told him about his lost mark. He told him about Riley and Gwen. About how it felt to think that his mate was dead. About how it felt to know that he was alive. He told Steve about his confusion, his hesitance and his doubts. He told him about Tony having Steve’s mark and the irony of things. He told about how he didn’t know how to stop caring or do something about it. He told him about how Sam had betrayed Tony in a way.

“I’m not his soulmate” Steve said in the end and Sam blinked his eyes tiredly but Steve was looking at him with kindness and firmness.

“He had your mark, Steve”

“I dropped the shield, Sam,” Steve said gently, a sadness tinging his eyes, “If the shield was supposed to be my mark, would I have dropped it without a thought?”

Sam remained silent so Steve continued.

“Bucky had a white star on his shoulder,” he said quietly, “Before he went to war? That was the mark on him. I had a red star and he had a white one. We never understood its meaning and kept to ourselves thinking that it was someone else. I realized that the white star meant me when I wore my uniform. He realized that the red star meant him when he got his arm.”

Sam frowned and Steve grinned softly at that.

“You know, thinking about it now, you and Tony are really similar,” he said and Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Really?” he drawled sarcastically but Steve nodded.

“Right down to the goatee,” he said with a teasing smirk and Sam snorted but Steve turned serious for a minute, “Sam, what happened, happened. You can’t change the past, even if you were stupid about it if I may say so.”

Sam scowled but Steve continued without pausing.

“The point is that you both are still alive and if you try, if both of you try, then you can know why you were meant as soulmates.”

Sam didn’t agree or refuse but Steve left it at that and a small smile.

Tony came to Wakanda soon and Sam found himself in the same room as him after a long time.

Only to be put in a tight spot by Steve.

“I can’t” Sam tried to refuse with a hint of panic as Steve declared that Sam would take up the shield. He didn’t get it, why Steve was making things even more complicated, but Steve simply smirked and remained stubborn.

To top it all, Tony agreed and Sam felt his heart race.

Everybody approved and it was settled that Sam was to become the next Captain America. It was like fate was playing a cruel joke on him but Sam didn’t have time to talk to Tony about it as things sped up.

Before he knew it, he was standing on a podium, in the Captain America uniform and Tony was handing him the shield with a mischievous smirk.

“Captain” Tony said in a mock serious voice and Sam found it so ridiculous that he snarked back.

“Iron Man” he replied and without thinking about it, clasped Tony’s outstretched hand for a handshake. Only to remember too late what could happen.

The brightness and burn of a soulmate’s touch coursed through Sam’s blood and he looked on in shock as Tony’s eyes widened in realization. His brain skittered to a halt and even before he could say anything, Tony hissed.

“You knew”

Sam couldn’t exactly lie but didn’t know how to explain in front of all these people so he kept quiet, trying to find the right words to get Tony to wait.

But Tony snatched his hand back and coolly stormed off, without a backward glance at the still stunned and pained Sam.

“What the hell happened?” Rhodey demanded when he couldn’t get Tony to stop from speeding away.

“We bonded” Sam said woodenly, the happiest words of his life coming out in the most heart-broken voice.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll end on a happy note, I promise. But till then, feedback please? And please don't hate my babies. We'll get them all sorted out soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> FEEDBACK PLEASE!! Also, if you're interested and wanna discuss fics or characters, you can always come find me on tumblr. I go by xtaticpearl there too :D


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